Saturday, September 15, 2007

The Following May Contain Harsh Language

Fuck you, Wal-Mart. Fuck you, for not allowing me to return the umbrella I bought from you because I bought it four months ago instead of three. Because, obviously, replacing the defective product - one of the few I've ever returned - would have cut too deep into your bottom line. Better to piss of your loyal customer, because, let's face it, it's not like you'll miss me. One out of a billion. You wouldn't even notice.

Fuck you, drivers. Fuck you, guy who blocked my way out of Wal-mart, turning left into the entrance. You couldn't be bothered to stop a whole fucking 5 feet before the entrance to allow me a chance to get out. Because, God forbid you do something courteous. Fuck you, guy who turned left at the intersection with the sign which unambiguously specifies that you CANNOT TURN LEFT. Fuck you, drivers who ignore my turn signal. Fuck you, guys that cut me off, even though there's no traffic behind me, fuck you for cutting me off, and fuck you for then slowing down below the fucking speed limit. Fuck you, everyone who seems to get in my way JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN.

Fuck you, person who cut me off yesterday at the checkout line. You looked me in the eye, and you cut in front of me. Fuck you, every single person who takes something that DOES NOT BELONG TO THEM. You know who you are. You take shit that does not belong to you - a spot, a place in line, a prize, somebody's time - you take it and you know it does not belong to you. And you feel good about doing it, too, like it makes you special.

But it doesn't. It doesn't make you special at all. It makes you just another fucker.

I know, I know - not everyone in this world is an asshole intent on robbing me of my calm and mellow feelings.

But some days, I just shake my head and wonder.

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